remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Randomize
