She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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