Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
