I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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