Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
