i need an iv and a liver transplant
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I looked at my own cervix.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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