Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
