Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
