Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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