I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
