I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
