Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
