i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
