she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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