not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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