whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
