did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
