Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
