Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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