I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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