Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
