I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
