Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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