What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
a search helicopter?!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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