i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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