You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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