I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
