we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
