and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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