I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
