I smell stomach acid.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
