We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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