I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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