he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
