Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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