I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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