I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
