im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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