My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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