i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
