Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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