ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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