Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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