We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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