Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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