You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
