My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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