I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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