I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
