I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
