Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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