I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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