omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Boobs speak an international language.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
