I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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