thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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