I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
