haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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