Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
