To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
