Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
