WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
