We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
