No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
