I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
