This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
