you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
