Who wears a wallet chain?!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
