I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
