dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
