My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The air taste purple.
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