I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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