He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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