I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
