Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
