If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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