Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You are a genius and a whore.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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